J'taime
by Donna of the Grey
Summary: Kyle's childhood friend has returned to town, and he couldn't be happier to see him. At least until a chain of unwanted events begin to unfold. Christophe x Kyle
1. Hello, neighbor

**Chapter Title: **_It's Only the Beginning_

**Rating:**_ T_

**Pairing(s): **_Christophe x Kyle. One-sided Stan x Kyle. Eric x Wendy_

**Warnings: **_Swearing._

**Notes: **_Er, yeah. A fic I wanted to make for TehShmexyRamen since she's doing a collaboration with me on the fic __**Strawberry Parfait**__. If you'd like to read that, please go to my profile and look for my stories. And leave a review._

_And, TSR is the most awesome person ever. So this is for you!_

_Sorry that Stan doesn't appear in this chapter. D:_

_This is sort of an alternate-universe kind of thing. Kay? Kay._

**Please leave a review. I don't see how you can **_**honestly**_** expect me to update if this story isn't getting any feedback. Thank you.**

_South Park and it's all its characters are licensed by Comedy Central/Trey Parker/Matt Stone._

_I don't own them. Yet, I wish I did._

_**Enjoy.**_

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C**h**_a_p_**t**_**e**_**r**_ 1

"_After all . . ._**w**_h_y **must** y_o_u

_Leav_**e**

**W**_h_en in **fa**ct,

i**t****'s**

_onl_y

t**h**_e_

**b e g i n n i n g**"

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"_. . . you're leaving?"_

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"_. . . but why?"_

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"_Will I . . . see you?"_

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"_No. I'll be far from 'ere."_

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"_But you're my friend . . . !"_

my companion.

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" _. . ."_

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"_I'm sorry."_

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"_I don't want you to leave."_

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"Wake up, Kyle!" Sheila shrieked as she bustled into the room, making the drowsy red haired teen to jolt out of his sleep. He rubbed his eyes warily and turned to look at the clock on the nightstand. It was seven thirty. Figures.

"Mom, it's too early!" He whined as she stood by the door, glaring at him as she usually did when she was irritated or annoyed. She shook her head; the beehive she called her hair moving not once. Sheila briskly made her way to his bed and pulled on his ear.

"Oh, no, it's not! You're going on the bus today, mister!"

This jolted out any traces of sleep from the sixteen year old teen, who simply yelped out one word.

"What?"

Sheila nodded, opening his closet and tossing random clothes out at Kyle. They merely fell on top of his head and covered his face. Irritatingly, he pulled them off and stared back at his mother.

"Why?"

She shook her head and gave him a cross look. One she didn't usually give him, but his younger brother Ike. This meant that she was not in the mood for any of his 'shenanigans.' In other words, as Kyle liked to say, she was pissed. It was clearly visible when she threw her hands up in the air exasperatedly and let out a groan.

"I'm chaperoning Ike's field trip, remember?"

_Oh._

"Ah! You forgot! How very thoughtful of you!" Sheila shrieked as she pointed at him, anger pulsating in her eyes. "Now, get up and go to the bus stop! This is your last day of school, and if you miss that bus you'll get it, mister!"

"But it's the last day. It doesn't matter!" Kyle shot back defensively, starting to get angry as well.

That was one thing he and his mother had in common, short temper. However, as Kyle's _friend_ Eric Cartman had so _kindly _put it, she was on a permanent and incurable PMS.

"Oh, ho? It doesn't? Today's your English exam, isn't it?" Her voice was poisonous.

Kyle sighed. He was not going to bother and tell her that he (along with a few other students) had convinced the English teacher to let them take the exam two days before so they'd have a free day. Then she'd probably go complain to the school about the teacher being a push-over and not having control over the students. Or some other things she make up.

"It is." He lied.

"Then march yourself to the bus stop!"

With that, the angry Sheila Broflovski stamped out of the room. If Kyle hadn't been so angry, he would have laughed at how she had looked like a hippo.

Or an angry bear.

With a beehive on it's _fucking_ head.

Kyle sighed.

So much for staying at home.

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Kyle mentally cursed himself as he saw the first person at the stop.

Eric Cartman.

He was standing up, fixing his large winter coat. Of course, he wasn't as fat as he used to be back when they were younger, but he was still a little chubby. And even though the coat was obviously too big for him, he liked to wear it.

"So, Kyle. The old hipponator made you come to school, eh?" Eric said as soon as Kyle had reached the bus stop. The larger boy chuckled and shook his head in a way that said, 'I crack myself up.' He pushed his hat down to cover his ears and continued smirking.

"You're coming to school too, you know." Kyle answered dryly. He really didn't want to deal with Eric's childish little comments right now. He was angry, and wanted to go home.

"That's only because I have a different English teacher than _you_ do!" Eric scowled defensively, crossing his arms. "And your teacher isn't a bitch like Ms. Hoffman!"

Ms. Hoffman was an old pudgy woman with the face of an angered Pit-bull. She was always screaming, and was known for her bitchiness. Most of her students simply hated her and were always playing jokes on her. Kyle believed if they stopped doing things to Ms. Hoffman, she would be nicer.

"Maybe if you stopped remin'ning h-her, she be nuh-nice." A voice piped up, voicing Kyle's exact thoughts. It's was the familiar stammering of Leopold 'Butters' Stoch. He pressed his knuckles together as he looked up at Eric timidly. He was known to be very uncourageous.

"Oh, shut up, Butters!" Eric glared at him, putting his hands on his waist as he loomed over the shivering blonde. "She made you cry the last time you told her that her hair looked _nice_."

"Well, I de-deserved it." Leopold shrugged. "I haven't been very nuh-nice to h-her eith-either."

"Right, because if you tell someone their hair looks nice, you deserve to be bitched at." Eric rolled his eyes and gave Leopold a hard smack on his back. "Jesus, grow some balls, Butters!"

"I-I can't." He responded meekly.

Eric scoffed. "Pussy."

"Leave him alone, Cartman."

Eric turned around to glare at the newcomer. He crossed his arms as soon as he saw that it was none other than the year's smartest (and prettiest) student, Wendy Testaburger. She was glaring at him; something she was doing most of the time. He scoffed.

"Well, if it isn't hippy bitch."

"Well, if it isn't fatass."

She smirked as soon as he sent a dirty look towards her specific direction. Wendy and Eric were always having little spats, and she would always end up winning. Kyle thought there was more to it than that. He knew Eric was madly in love with her.

"So! How's my best friend?" Wendy asked as she draped an arm around Kyle's shoulder. She was smiling, and gave him a wink. He smiled back.

Wendy had been his friend for as long as he could remember. Ever since he was ten, and she had moved into their street. He had been sitting by himself, as usual. Kyle never really had many friends, for so many reasons.

He was the only Jewish _child_ in town.

He was quiet.

He was _strange_.

Many would just avoid him or make fun of him. It hurt.

That day though, she had sauntered up to him and began talking. And asked one simple question.

One that made him smile.

One that was full of kindness.

One that he would remember for as long as he lived.

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"_Want to be my friend?"_

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"I'm okay." He responded. "Excited it's already going to be summer."

"Yeah! Kyle, we're so going to the arcade!" Wendy cheered, throwing a fist in the air. She was smiling like a madman and the three boys stepped away. She was oblivious and continued, "And sleep so freaking late!"

"Jesus." Eric grumbled.

"Wanna come?" Wendy smirked, poking him in the shoulder.

"Sure."

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"SCHOOL IS OVER!" Wendy screamed loudly as she and Kyle walked out the doors. A few people turned around and stared at them with odd expressions before they returned to whatever they were doing before. Wendy glared at them and shrugged.

"Kaiiii, we're going to the arcade, right?" She asked eagerly, clapping her hands.

"Er, I'm going to have to ask my mom." Kyle mumbled in disappointment.

"But Kaiiii!" Wendy whined as she clung to his chartreuse sweater, wearing puppy dog eyes. "She's gonna say no!"

"Then why did you ask?" Kyle rolled his eyes as they made their way to the parking lot. Sheila was bound to be there on time, as she was every day. She'd see them heading her way and honk the horn repeatedly until he got inside the car.

"Kai, I asked the question first." Wendy pouted.

"Whatever."

_HONK, HONK, HONK, HOOONK!!_

"She's here." Kyle cursed under his breath.

They dashed towards the car quickly, as many people turned to them and gave them an irritated glare. She kept pressing her horn until he opened the door to the car and leaned in.

"Mom, can I go to the arcade with Wen—" He began, only to be cut off by a hand gesture by his Mother. One that said, 'stop talking.' He sighed and gave her a pleading look.

"No, Kyle. It's too soon for you be out having fun." Sheila responded.

"But Mooom!" Kyle whined trying to give her the same look Wendy had given him only a couple of minutes before. Her expression changed to aggravation. She shook her head.

"No Kyle. In the car, _now_."

Kyle turned to give Wendy the answer and both teens frowned.

"Well, then, I guess I'll see you later." Wendy responded as he climbed into the car and shut the door. He rolled the window down and he sighed. Wendy sighed as well. Sheila was always putting a halt to things.

"Please. I _beg_ you." He whispered before his Mother stepped on the gas and the car sped forward.

He slumped into the seat.

He really hated his mother sometimes . . .

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"I still don't get it!" Ike frowned as he sat in Kyle's bed, focused on the video game before him, wriggling around. "It's the last day of school and she won't let you go out? She let me."

"Ike, you already know how she is. She loves you more than me."

"Not true!" Ike responded before shrieking as Tiny threw a crate towards his character. "Damn it, Crash! Spin!" He paused and turned to look at his older brother momentarily. "You probably got her angry today."

"Just because I forgot I had to take the bus today, she has to be a bitch all day? Not likely." Kyle hissed and grabbed a pillow before pressing it against his own face. He mumbled something incoherent and threw it across the room, smacking the television with it.

"HEY!" Ike shrieked, as his character turned into a spirit. "You let Dingodile hit me!"

"So?" Kyle shrugged. "You've played that game loads of times. One loss doesn't matter. Stop being such a girl about it."

"Says the one who always picks _Coco_." Ike retorted dodging another pillow flung his way.

"She's Crash's sister. And you always pick him. Who else am I supposed to choose?" Kyle grumbled, tossing another pillow at Ike, who dodged it yet again while having his eyes glued to the television.

"Uh, I dunno, a _guy_?"

"I don't like picking those retarded characters. They're gross."

"Girl!"

"Shut up, Ike."

"Girl, girl, girl, girl, girl—hey!" Ike shrieked as the PS2 was reset. Wendy was standing there, holding a control on her hand. Kyle and Ike stared at her dumbfounded, before they saw how she had gotten into the room; she had climbed in through the window.

"Why didn't you just . . . ?" Kyle questioned after shaking his head.

"I rang the doorbell but your mom wouldn't open. I think she's in the bathroom." Wendy shrugged.

"Yeah right." Ike rolled his eyes.

It was a known fact that Sheila disliked Wendy within every inch of her being. Every time the girl was around, she'd glare or make an ugly face. Sheila also had many reasons to dislike Wendy.

Sheila thought Wendy was too talkative. She said that was only for gossip and it wasn't very lady-like to always say what was on her mind. Kyle would roll his eyes at this because Sheila would do the same.

She thought Wendy was too hyper-active and that would grate on her nerves, seeing as how she liked piece and quiet. She also hated Wendy's taste in fashion, music, and 'that disgustingly manly lip-piercing.' One thing she did praise her for, was for her smarts and involvement in charities and functions.

"I know. She was hiding behind the curtains." Wendy smiled.

"Okay?"

"So . . . I want to play." Wendy pointed at the screen, were the menu was displayed. She turned to Kyle. "Since your Mom won't let you come with me to the arcade, we're playing your PS2."

"No way!" Ike shrieked, pointing at her angrily. "I was playing first! You'll wait until I am finished. This will be in another hour or two. Go make out with Kyle in the closet or something."

"Let us play or I'll . . . " Wendy remained silent, and then smiled. "Or I'll tell Kyle that you like to kiss boys!"

"What? No, I don't." Ike glared at her.

"Then who's Fillmore?"

"My friend."

"Riiiight." Wendy smiled, clucking her tongue and winking at him. Ike gave her another glare, dumped the control on the floor and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him in the process. Wendy laughed and sat on the bed next to Kyle, handing him Ike's discarded control.

"You sure love fighting with my brother, don't you?" Kyle grinned.

She shrugged and gave him a grin before returning her vision to the television screen. After a few clicks on the buttons on the control, they were at the character display. She turned to him, "Right now is when you can be a man. When you can pick Crash."

"Awesome."

The game began and soon they were absorbed in it. After a couple of minutes, they were finished, and were about to start another round when Sheila bustled into the room. She blinked and stared at Wendy confused, before the frown returned to her face.

"How did you get in here?" She asked in a polite, yet dangerous tone of voice.

"The window."

"Oh." Sheila shook her head and mumbled a low, "I need to get alarms on the windows."

"Excuse me?" Wendy asked while raising an eyebrow, having caught what the larger woman had said under her breath.

"Nothing. Anyways, Kyle get downstairs. Wendy, can you please take care of Ike while we go to the neighbor's house. My husband isn't here yet." She said this in a form of a command instead of a question and Wendy nodded. Kyle stood up and gave her a confused glance, one which she returned, and followed after his mother.

She closed the door shut firmly as they stepped out, and headed towards the stairs.

"I don't know why you talk to that girl." Sheila grumbled.

_Oh, here we go again_.

Kyle decided to tune out whatever his mother was saying. He knew it was something he already heard. They made their way into the kitchen, where Sheila dashed to the table and went over to the containers to cover them with saran wrap. She handed him a large plastic bowl and he arched an eyebrow.

"Did someone die?" He asked after a long silence.

"_Very funny_, Kyle." She snapped and handed him another container. "No Kyle, this is for our new neighbors. They moved to the house nextdoor."

"That really big house?" Kyle asked, as she ran across the kitchen to check on the oven. She nodded and stood back up again and faced her son. "Yes. They used to be our neighbors before. You remember the DeLornes, don't you?"

Kyle almost dropped the container and stared at his mother, mouth agape. "Wha—what? Are you serious?" He nearly shrieked, only to stop himself as he realized he would sound a lot like Ike.

The DeLornes?!

That would mean he'd get to see _him_ again!

And he hadn't seen him in _forever_.

"Yes." She smiled.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!" He shouted and pulled on his mother's hand, only to her slap it off.

"Behave, Kyle. No need to be such a child." She frowned, and took another container off the table. With that, she picked up her keys and walked out the front door, as soon as Kyle followed and had exited the house, she turned to lock it.

Kyle was very excited.

He hadn't seen his friend since he was six. The only thought on his mind was that'd he see him again. He'd show him that he was no longer a chicken, how much he'd grown, and everything he had missed since he left South Park. He'd even introduce him to Wendy.

And with those thoughts he followed his mother.

Not realizing what a bad idea it was to have left Wendy with Ike.

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"Ah, Sheela!" A petite brown haired woman squealed as the woman stepped into the living room. Kyle looked around. Other than a few pieces of furniture and decorations here and there, the place was practically empty. There was dust, and some cobwebs on the corners of the walls. A few boxes were piled up by the couch. Even their voices echoed in the halls. "I 'aven't seen you in eleven years. 'ow are you?" She reached forward to hug the larger woman, smiling.

"I'm fine. How about you, Yvonne?" Sheila responded, tossing the container to a bewildered Kyle (who almost dropped it) and returning the hug. "We have so much to talk about!"

"We do indeed. Ze trip was so long! Zankfully we were on a plane, and not in ze car. I would 'ave driven into ze bushes or somezing." Yvonne said, giggling at what she had just said. "Frederick didn't come though. He's been in France."

"Really?" Sheila questioned.

"Oh yes. When we moved away to Denver, zey called 'im. 'e's been zere for a while." Yvonne continued, "I just came 'ere to drop my son off. 'E and 'is friends are doing a project for school."

"Oh, really? What school is he going to?"

"Ze university in Denver. 'e's a . . . what do you call zem? Ah, yes, a freshman." Yvonne smiled, and it grew even wider when she noticed Kyle was behind Sheila. She dashed to him and set the containers in a nearby cardboard box before she hugged him.

"Kyle! You've grown up much!" She giggled. "I remember when you were a leetle boy! About zis tall!" She leaned down slightly and made a sign with her hand.

"And nicer too," Sheila mumbled.

"Nice to see you too." Kyle responded, smiling back. She had always been more of a mother than Sheila. But maybe that was because she wasn't his mother, and she never yelled at him when he did anything wrong. But then again, she never yelled at her son either. She was just sweet tempered.

"I suppose you'd like to see Christophe?"

"Ah, ye-yeah." Kyle grinned sheepishly.

"I zink 'e'd like to see you too!" Yvonne smiled. "And you'd rather be with 'im that with us old ladies zalking about ze old times. 'E's upstairs in 'is room. Last door to ze right."

"Thank you."

Kyle tried to stop himself from running up the stairs and making noise, so he had to settle to slow and steady walking. He felt a little nervous. What if he didn't remember him? That would be embarrassing. Walking into a room only to be stared at like some stranger.

_Ahhh. Maybe I should have just waited downstairs._

He shook his head. There was no use in going back downstairs. Then Yvonne and Sheila would probably ask him what's wrong, and if he had said hi to Christophe yet. That would be even worse. Especially if Sheila began screaming about in front of Yvonne. God, no.

That would definitely suck.

He was finally at the end of the hall and the door was a little open. Kyle peeked inside and hardly saw anything and opened it a dash more. He paused before saying, "Hello?"

He looked around and saw Christophe, lifting a box and setting it in the top rack of the closet. He was wearing a white muscle shirt with a brown jacket on top, and some baggy camo pants. There was also sweat running down the side of his face. He turned around uniterested and gave Kyle a look. "Don't you ever knock?"

"Sorry."

"Well," Christophe began as he stepped closer to Kyle. He towered over him. But at 5'6, everyone practically did. Not to mention the fact that he was three years older. "I see you've grown up z'oo become a girl."

"What?" Kyle felt his face turn red. A girl? He had been called that a lot in school. Did he really look like a girl? He didn't think so. So maybe he had some style. That was no reason to say he looked like one.

"Yes. You 'eard me. A tiny leetle girl." The words were mocking. And amused. Not to mention the cocky smirk that he was giving Kyle as he looked down at him. Kyle was sure if he was playing or if he was serious, but he seriously hated that comment.

"Fuck you." He hissed, whacking him in the arm.

"And ze girl learned to bite back z'oo? I'm amazed."

Kyle turned around in a huff and was about to walk down the door when he was grabbed roughly by the shirt and was forced into a headlock. He shrieked in surprise as Christophe began to laugh. Angrily, Kyle began to pull at his arms, telling him to let go.

"I'm just playing. You anger z'oo fast," Christophe replied as Kyle struggled to be release from his grip. "You never did take ze jokes in 'umor."

"Yeah, well, I can never tell with you." Kyle managed to say through his arm. Finally he was released and he felt into the floor. Christophe laughed again.

"Ha, ha. Very funny." Kyle hissed bitterly as he stood back up. "So why are you here?"

"I'm doing an 'indepezent film' for one of my classes at ze University. And most of ze class is doing zat in Denver, so I decided zis place would be better." He shrugged as he went back to the corner of the room and lifted another box, putting it up in the closet.

"By yourself?"

"No. My ozer friends will be 'ere tomorrow." Christophe shrugged as he turned back to face the red head.

"So you're not staying here?"

"I might. Why, does leetle Kyle want me z'oo stay?"

"Maybe."

"I see."

"But why here?" Kyle shrugged. "South Park isn't that great you know. Nothing in here is that pretty, besides the forest by Stark Pond. I don't mind that you're here, but there are better places to film out there, you know?"

He sat down on the carpet floor and looked up at Christophe. "For example, Middle Park has the beautiful water fall and lake. And North Park has those mountains and that rose garden everyone always talks about."

"Not all films are about zat." Christophe arched an eyebrow and took a seat next to Kyle. "We're not doing a film about ze beauty of South Park. It's somezing completely different."

"Like what?"

"Ze pussies in my group decided romance would be ze best topic z'oo do."

Kyle laughed only to be smacked in the back of the head by the older boy. It wasn't exactly in a playful manner either. It had hurt. He rubbed the back of his head with his hand and glared at him. "That hurt."

"Good."

"HEY!" Kyle pouted, crossing his arms. Christophe just smirked.

Kyle shook his head and then looked at him. "So, what is it about?"

"That's why I came 'ere. I need your 'elp."

"Really? Great! For what?"

" . . . Don't spaz out over zis."

"I won't."

Christophe sighed, before he looked Kyle right in the eyes.

"I need you z'oo . . . "

Kyle pushed him in the shoulder playfully and grinned. Christophe never did like asking for favors from anyone. At least he didn't when they were kids. However, he wasn't too sure about now. But he had a feeling that's what it was."

"I need you z'oo . . . pretend to . . . " He stopped and cursed under his breath.

"Come on, Chrissy, just say it."

"Fine. I need you z'oo pretend to be my _boyfriend_."

_What?_

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**Got any **_ideas_ **you'd like to see in the fic?**

**Submit them via e-mail. Review. Or PM.**

**Thank you!**

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**Next Update: **June 25, 2007.


	2. I'm angry and I don't know why!

**Chapter Title: **_It's Only the Beginning_

**Rating:**_ T_

**Pairing(s) Chapter-wise: **_Christophe x Wendy, hints of Eric x Wendy (one-sided)_

**Warnings: **_Swearing._

**Notes: **_I am positively sorry that this hasn't been updated in so long. I was busy and got caught up in other things. I can't for a fact say that won't happen again, but for now, please bear with me. I am disappointed by its shortness, but only today did I get some inspiration to continue. I hope it is somewhat decent, and if you may notice, the style of writing might vary from before._

**Please leave a review. I don't see how you can **_**honestly**_** expect me to update if this story isn't getting any feedback. Thank you.**

_South Park and it's all its characters are licensed by Comedy Central/Trey Parker/Matt Stone._

_I don't own them. Yet, I wish I did._

_**Enjoy.**_

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C**h**_a_p_**t**_**e**_**r**_ 2

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"_What_?" Kyle repeated, or more truthfully, voiced his thoughts. What the hell was Christophe going on about? Be his boyfriend? He was confused now more than ever. What the hell kind of question was that? He opened his mouth to try and speak, only strangled sounds making their way out. He shut it, and then tried again, shaking his head and bringing one pale hand up to his temple. "What do you mean be your _boyfriend_?" Was Christophe gay? That had to be it! Maybe he secretly wanted into Kyle's pants.

Shit. Shit. Shit!

What the hell! Kyle had never questioned his sexuality, and now this brunette French man with a very alluring accent was asking him to be his boyfriend. Him. Of all people! There were better looking guys. Hell, girls even! He knew Christophe wasn't gay. Maybe it was the lady magazines that had fallen out of one of the boxes. Chicks with gigantic boobs. Right there. So no, maybe he was playing a trick on him. Kyle laughed.

"Why are you laughing for? I'm serious." Christopher answered. He rose an eyebrow.

"What do you mean serious? I thought you were joking! Why ask me that anyway!" Kyle gritted out, a look of mirth replaced on his face with irritation. What the hell! If Christophe expected him to be happy and dandy about his little question, boy was the fucker wrong. No one could be happy to hear something like that come out of the mouth of their _male_ friend. Maybe Wendy, but not him. Besides, Wendy had a vagina and Christophe a penis. They would both enjoy each other. Why was he thinking about that anyway.

"Well, I wasn't joking. Now shut the 'ell up and lizen." Christophe answered at once, jabbing Kyle on the shoulder.

"Hey—!" Then again.

"I told you why I came 'ere." There was a curt nod of the redhead in front of him. "Alright. Now zat part iz settled." He moved to sit back on the carpeted floor, tossing one arm over his knee. "And zen I asked you zis question." Another nod, Kyle's circumspect green eyes fixated upon him. "You see. Ze video we're doing 'ere in South Park iz about 'omosexuality and ze reaction of ozers z'oo it."

At once Kyle felt he was beginning to understand. That was good. So he wasn't a complete idiot after all and Christophe wasn't trying to butt fuck him . . . right?

"I know you're wondering why. Because Porschea thought it waz an interesting idea, and none of us wanted z'oo come up with anyzing else. So 'ere I am." Christopher continued, picking up some lint from the carpet and flicking it away.

"But South Park . . . ?" Kyle questioned.

Christophe rolled his eyes. "Why not? I 'aven't seen a more bigoted and racist town."

South Park was the home of assholes and white supremacists and all that other bullshit. If you were rich _and _black, they had a problem with it. If you were Asian _and _at the top of the class instead of their snotty white kids, they had a problem with it. If you were taking it up the ass from another guy, they had a problem with it. They just had a problem with anything. This included Kyle's red headed and corpulent mother. If anyone wanted to riot, she would be the first in the fucking mob holding a picket sign. This also told Kyle that even considering Christophe's idea would cause him to be brutally beaten with a 'No gays!' sign as his mother tried to instill that idea inside of his head. If he even said yes, God, he would die. Shot with a rainbow bullet as a way to add further insult.

Sheila was a bitch. A crazy beehive hairdo wearing bitch.

"And you asked _me_—why?" Kyle finally muttered, hoping Sheila couldn't overhear. He could imagine her breaking in through the wall and smashing everything up as she tried to pull his son away from 'the vile heathen.'

"Well, we 'ad a vote. It was eizer me or Damien or Gregory." Christopher told him with an air on disinterest and he picked at the fuzz on the carpet again. "Damien scared ze 'ell of out everyone, so zey didn't pick 'im. And Gregory . . ." The blonde friend of Christophe's had thrown a fit, is what he wanted to say, but he stopped there. "Zey picked me because I am not a pussy like zem."

"Oh, oh, really? That's good." Kyle answered with mock aloofness. "But you see, I _am_ a pussy. And you know why? Because I have Godzilla as a mother and she will tear me a new asshole if I even say yes to your little question. Okay?" His voice had the tone of someone talking to a five-year-old.

"She wouldn't 'ave to know." Christophe stated with a small smirk.

Kyle felt his face flare up. Not have to know? _Not have to know_! That sounded like something out of a cheep affair novel! Damn it, he felt like a girl now! A girl being told that everything would be okay. All he was missing was the embarrassed grabbing of his face as he looked away with this 'Oh, have your way with me' expression.

"Do you not know my mom? Bitch has cameras everywhere! I bet! I bet she goes every day to Police to hear reports and shit because she is that fucking crazy! Do you know what she'll do if she finds out I'm going out with a guy?! She'll kick my ass!"

And Eric would be watching. Eating popcorn and laughing his stupid little laugh. "Eh heh heh heh!" He could ever hear it. Fat little bastard!

"You're forgezzing who you're talking to."

Kyle had to admit, that was a good line. Christophe was always witty. But no dammit! That wasn't the problem. Even if Christophe was good at hiding what would be a favor, he just felt weird being the boyfriend of his long lost best friend. Who wouldn't? Especially if he was a _guy_!

"Yeah, well, I never would have heard you ask me this back then." Kyle sighed, standing up from his position and dusting off the back of his pants with his hands. Kyle was hoping he wouldn't get angry if he said no. Kyle didn't want to say yes though. He was just hoping Christophe would find someone else to sucker in. He ran a hand through his red hair, green eyes darting around the room to avoid Christophe's. Everything to the window, the pale walls and even the large breasted women in the magazines. Languidly, he dropped his hand into his side. "I-I don't know what to tell you."

"Well zen, think about it." Christopher told him and with a sigh, stood up, grunting as he did so. "I'm not forcing you." He fumbled around with the front of his pants, fishing into his pockets. What came out was a cigarette and a lighter. Flicking the flame on, he lifted it to the short white stick. At once, Kyle could smell the nicotine and he scrunched his nose in disgust.

"Ew, don't smoke inside!" Sheila would rush in at the scent and blame him for getting involved with cigarettes, like he had back in the fourth grade. Of course, he was just trying to avoid being like those freaky drug free weirdos. Regardless, the smell was a little disgusting. He just hated smoke.

"Why not?" Christopher asked, the cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. It looked kind of hot—no! NO! Kyle shut his eyes for a moment. It did not look hot! Dammit, now he was messing with his mind because of this stupid boyfriend deal!

"Because!" Kyle snapped, livid from his previous thought. "And my mom might come in here and blame me!" he snatched the cigarette away from Christophe's hand and ran towards the window, heaving it open and tossing it out. It fell into the cement.

"'ey!" Christophe grumbled, grabbing at his arm roughly. Kyle let out a girlish squeal and tried to pry his arm away. His face only neared his and the Jewish boy knew that he was blushing insanely. _Fucker, fucker, fucker!_

"Zat wasn't very nice. What makes you zink you can do zat in my 'house?"

"Um—" For once, he didn't know what to say. Actually, the second time that day.

"Kyle, we're going!" Sheila's voice boomed from the first floor and Christophe's face turned into one of irritation and disgust. He pulled away and went over to shut the window. Kyle emitted a sound of relief. Thank God for Sheila! That was the one time he would ever thank his mother. Other than that, he would remain the rest of the day cursing her for not letting him go out.

"Hah, hah, will you look at that!" Kyle said, turning away from the taller and older brunette. "I must really be going!" He whipped around and began to make a mad dash for the door. "Bye!"

Christopher didn't turn. At least, Kyle didn't see what he had done with his back facing him, but all he heard was the voice of the male. "Think about it."

_Think about being his boyfriend? Pretend boyfriend? Shit._

-

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Eric tossed a rock to the ground, obviously annoyed and just wanting to make something worth noticing. He, Kyle, Leopold, and Wendy were sitting outside of the Broflovski home trying to compensate for the day before in which they had not been able to hang out, due to the woman's cop-like authority in which she had simply stressed "NO!" Wendy, being Wendy, had much rather liked hanging with her best friend than Eric, so he had to make plans with the other friends of his, such as Kenny and Stan.

"I'm so fucking bored!" Eric proclaimed loudly, throwing a rock viciously in the direction of Sheila's car. Kyle immediately stood up, trying to see whether his mother had been staring out the window as she usually did when his friends were sitting outside of the house. The coast was clear, but the rock bounced off the shiny red car with a bang before landing in the grass.

"What the hell, Cartman!" Kyle snapped. "If my mom hears the fucking car—!" He was cut off by a pebble thrown to his forehead.

"She won't hear. And I didn't throw it that hard anyway!" Eric then lifted another rock. He looked about ready to chuck it but Leopold nervously pried it out of his hand, blue eyes wide.

"N-no! You don't want to h-have his mom mad, woulja?" He stuttered out and Eric let out a laugh. He hated Sheila more than anyone. Kyle knew that. Wendy knew that. Even Sheila knew that. And it had all happened when she had heard his pleasant little that went something along the lines of "Kyle's mom is a big fat bitch, she's the biggest bitch in the whole while world."

"Yeah, you ass. Then she's going to run us out of here and I have nothing better to do, so cool it!" Wendy glared at Eric, batting his hand when he tried to reach for another rock. He was so childish. He only shrugged and set his hand on his lap. He opened his mouth and at once they knew he was going to rant.

He glared at Wendy and Kyle and then he snatched the rock back from Leopold's hands, tossing it right at the side of his head. The blonde yelped and held the site where he had been struck. "Excuse me for being bored!" Eric declared. "Geez, Kyle. Not even video games?!"

The red head frowned. "What the hell do you want me to do? Ike and his friends are using the PS2!"

"Then buy yourself a system! You have enough money for a Playstation 3!" Eric told him. "Or even a damn Wii!" He groaned, and rested against one of the pillars of the house. "Dammit . . . "

Wendy merely sat there, lazing about and playing around in the grass. Soon, her blue eyes lifted to the house next door and a smile came over to her face. A silver Bentley was pulling into the driveway steadily, the sun glinting off the cool silver metal as it slowly moved in. There were suitcases tied to the top, and none of the teens had to guess why. Kyle had pretty much informed them about his neighbor, excluding the fact that he had asked him to be his boyfriend. Maybe he'd tell Wendy, but she would probably tease him and think it romantic. There was a low murmur and the motor was shut off. In anticipation, they watched as the car remained still, waiting for the doors to open. And they finally did.

A girl with jet black hair stepped out, cut short to frame her face perfectly. Her eyes were vibrant and hazel, outlined by the bright colors of her eye shadow. Her facial features were outdone by her chest, practically gargantuan in its size. "Holy shit!" Eric muttered amongst the group. "That bitch is packed!" They remained silent, only a nod going around the group. Leopold even turned away in embarrassment for having noticed such a thing. "Hey, she looks familiar! Hasn't she been in the cover of Playboy?"

"I don't know!" Kyle snapped. Unlike Eric and Kenny, he didn't spend his time flipping through lady magazines. He would feel perverted and Sheila would probably find out and hang him by his penis. And Kyle wasn't about to sacrifice his little fire man. The girl heard him, because she turned in their direction before shrugging and moving towards the front of the car. Another person exited the car. This time it was a blonde girl with large voluptuous hair and a body to match. She would have looked like the raven haired female with all that make-up, but of course, her face was different.

"Are they like, porn models or something?" Eric muttered. "She looks familiar too."

"Yeah, she would, you perv." Wendy retorted, her eyes fixated on the sight. They were all wondering the same thing. Who else would come out of the car?

This time a male boy, donning the latest and most fashionable clothing. Expensive to boot. He was wearing sunglasses too. They looked as though they were Gucci or some other expensive brand. Perhaps Chanel? He said something to the blonde girl, but they couldn't really understand. All they knew was that he sounded refined.

"Wow, gee, your ne-neighbor must be r-rich!" Leopold stated, once he caught sight of all the company. They were all fashionable and standing with an elegant edge.

Kyle shrugged. He didn't know anything about that. Was Christophe rich? It wasn't like he had stayed long enough to find out, and he had yet to unpack when he had arrived. The red head watched. Were there only three people in the car? Nope, there was another.

Black hair that was tossed over his face, and possibly even eye-liner. He was dressed completely in black, wearing a tight fitting shirt with many buckles and zippers, and equally tight pants. And his boots. They looked as though they could kill anyone. He was just creepy, and from the way he was standing and the way that everything around him seemed to be a little depressing. His eyes slowly turned and he stared right at the group, emotionless. All four flinched once his eyes landed on them.

"Don't move . . ." Kyle gritted through his teeth. He looked as though he would pull a gun out of somewhere and shoot them all.

"I-I'm scared." Leopold whimpered, breaking Kyle's suggestion and turning away, covering his head with his hands.

His eyes remained on them for a while and then they switched to Wendy. Kyle could hear a "He's creeping me out" from her before the black haired boy turned, walking to the others to help them remove the suitcases from the top of the car as well as take the ones from within.

For a while, the four that had emerged from the car were walking around, taking things out and into the house, chatting jovially, except for the gothic looking boy. He only walked along, staring at the ground and avoiding everyone, looking over to the group sitting outside of Kyle's house erratically. "I think he's looking at you, Wendy." Kyle finally said after a couple of minutes of the same routine.

She looked down to her lap, somewhat embarrassed and Eric scoffed, looking heavily irritated. "Bullshit, who would look at her anyway?"

This seemed to have caused her some anger, for she immediately stood up and whacked him on the back of the head. She whipped her head around, looking away from the group.

"Shut the fuck up, Cartman." Kyle mumbled, shaking his head and sighing. This day was the most boring day. And only remotely interesting thing was now disappearing as all of the newly arrived went into the recesses of Christophe's house. The door was shut and the air was quiet once again.

"Well, wasn't that interesting." Wendy muttered slowly. She stood up, dusting the back of her skirt with her hands and shooting Eric a vicious glare. "Your neighbors are so colorful, Kai."

"Now that we've seen a bunch of pussies move in, can we just get a move on?" Eric demanded, standing up as well. "I mean, shit, what are we going to accomplish sitting around here all day for?"

Kyle noticed that the fatass had a good point. What would they do sitting around there? He followed suit and pulled Leopold up by the hand, before moving to cross his arms in front of his chest thoughtfully. "Well, there's always the arcade . . . the Pond . . . the mall?"

"Ehh." Was the simultaneous response from the group. They looked upon each other, and then back to Kyle.

_Fuckers, it's not easy coming up with something to do_. He only shook his head and flippantly told them, "Fine, whatever. Go find something to do then. I guess I'll go hang out with Ike and his little friends—"

"Kyle!"

_Oh, shit_.

It was Christophe's voice. At once, he froze. Fuck, fuck. _FUCK_!

Slowly, he craned his neck and turned, coming face to face with the now advancing French male. He wanted to run away. If he asked what he had yesterday in front of everyone . . . ! He was about to make a mad dash for the door when Christophe grabbed him by the color.

"Where are you going, leetle girl?" He purred and Eric began to laugh wildly, clutching at his sides with his hands and rocking forward and then backward while he tried to gasp for some air.

"He pegged you!"

Kyle flushed and Christophe joined Eric's laughter. Wendy and Leopold only stood there and watched, before looking towards each other with confusion. Confusion mostly on Leopold's side. Wendy was glancing over to Christophe with interest, sort of like a school girl that was crushing for a young teacher or something similar. While she was indeed a school girl, Christophe was by no means a teacher. Not even ten seconds and she was already liking him. While she wasn't necessarily an easy girl, that bastard Christophe seemed to be good at persuasion.

"Well, Kyle, aren't you going z'oo introduce me z'oo your friends?" Christophe questioned with an smirk, his eyes landing on the raven haired girl as she fiddled shyly with her hair. Perfect _time to be nervous, Wendy_. Kyle rolled his eyes. The accent had been the icing on the fucking cake. Why was he getting annoyed? Maybe because Wendy was his best friend and he was currently getting manwhore vibes from Christophe.

"If you insist." Kyle spat, a frown on his face. Christophe noticed and continued his smirk.

"That is Butters." He stated, pointing his hand toward the petite blonde who was fidgeting with his hands as he nervously stared back at him, hoping nothing too horrible would happen. Kyle just knew Leopold was probably conjuring up painful scenes in his mind. The blonde boy nodded and said, "H-hey, fella."

"That thing over there—" Kyle began, pointing at Eric with uncaring, only to be stopped short with a loud "Aye!" and a shove, "Is Eric Cartman. He's annoying."

"Fuck, you! Jew!" Eric snapped.

Christophe's eyes narrowed at this comment but he nodded toward him anyways. Maybe because now Sheila was peering out the window, wondering what the ruckus was.

He looked back at Wendy and then Christophe. This was certainly proof that Christophe wasn't gay and he was possibly just asking Kyle out in seriousness for the video. Because he was eyeing his best friend like he wanted to take her right there in the front of his house. And he probably would. Back from when they were younger, he always did what he wanted regardless of consequence. Kyle frowned. If Wendy wasn't been fucking shy and more "Get out of my face" he wouldn't have been looking at her like that. Why was he annoyed again?

"This is Wendy."

And she shot him one of her pretty smiles—damn it! And she pulled one stray hand of long black hair behind her ear and just as shyly said hello to him. Didn't she realize she was practically inviting him to try and sex her?!

"Hello." Christophe said to all of them, his eyes never leaving the raven haired girl. Kyle was sure he was glaring daggers at the French male. He only noticed this and continued to irk the Jewish teen. Eric was also glaring furiously at Christophe. Kyle always thought he had a crush on her. Or something. Either that or Patty Nelson, but he hadn't mentioned her in a while. "In zat case, you should all come over z'oo meet my friends."

"R-really?" Leopold squeaked.

"Yeah, come on. Unless your mommy won't let you."

"Fuck off." Kyle snapped. But he agreed and so did the rest. But he could not get over the annoyance of Christophe draping his hand around Wendy's waist on the way to his house.

-

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"Hey, oh, my God, you're too adorable!" Was the first thing that Kyle heard from Christophe's black haired female friend, Porschea, as she had stated her name was. She was bouncing up and down and clapping her hands, and even gave him a tight hug in which his face crammed quite uncomfortably between her breasts. It seemed to be the only time that Eric had ever looked jealous of him. "So nice to meet you, Kyle! Tophe' told us so much about you!" She then turned to Eric and Leopold and gave them each a hug. Leopold looked about ready to faint under the weight of her chest and Eric looked positively happy.

Mercedes, the luscious blonde, was also saying hello to everyone, a radiant smile on her face. While she seemed to be the most brilliant of the two females, she had a ditzy air about her. "Yeah! It's so cool how you get to see each other after all these years!" She turned to the blonde male next to her and he only shrugged. "Yeah, yeah." There was also a smile on his face, but it appeared he wasn't as keen as Mercedes and Porschea to show his emotions.

As for the final member that had arrived, Damien, he had been pretty quiet. Only muttering a "hello" and a "Fuck off" to Eric when he stated he had seen his emo ass somewhere before. He had kept looking at Wendy with a peculiar expression when they were there and Kyle was wondering what was up with this boy. And everyone.

"So, you guys want to hang out with us?" Gregory questioned. He was leaning against the wall of the living room and fiddling with his sunglasses.

"Golly, really?" Leopold asked, fiddling with his hands once more.

"Sure, why not! The more the merrier! Bust out the beer!" Porschea cheered and Eric immediately agreed. Kyle, with a disapproving look glared at Eric and the somewhat bulky boy whispered, "What? She gets drunk, she might get naked." So that was his logic of reasoning. Kyle only shook his head in disapproval.

"You're an idiot, right Wendy—?" Kyle turned. Where the hell was she? He looked around the room, twice and then again for another good measure. Was she in the bathroom? No, Christophe wasn't there either. _Shit, shit, shit_!

"Where is she?" He questioned, raising his eyebrows as his eyes landed on the first person he could think of. Damien. The only one that had been paying attention to her besides himself and Christophe. He looked a little miffed and his cold dark eyes landed on Kyle. The red head shivered a little.

"Christophe told her he wanted to show her something." Damien mumbled. Was there just a little bit of an angry undertone in his monotonous voice? "He took her upstairs." Maybe little emo-goth-whatever kid was crushing on her? That was a little fast, but Wendy was basically the prettiest girl in school. Plus, Bebe. That wouldn't surprise him. Still, it made him angry.

"What?!" He demanded. _Fuck that bastard! Why did she have to fall for it?! _"Damn it, Wendy." He added, more to himself. Damien only stared at him for a while and without another word headed upstairs.

Kyle was pissed off. He was taking advantage of his best friend! And that stupid question of his from yesterday! Was he playing a fucking joke on him?! He didn't get it. He simply didn't get it. If that would be the case then he could just make the damn video a love story and have Wendy at his side. He didn't need him! He began to make his way toward the door, and Porschea, whom was standing nearby looked at him startled. "Leaving so soon, Kyle?"

He didn't answer her, nor Eric's snide little comments as he left. He also ignored Leopold's pleas of "Please, don't go!"

He was angry.

Kyle merely shut the door as he left the house, and he didn't turn back as he made his way into his home, opening the door and closing it to prevent anyone unwanted from going inside.

He stormed to his room, grateful that Ike had the decency to take the gaming system to his room instead. He dropped on his bed with a plop and the mattress almost bounced from his weight.

Why was he so fucking mad about that?

Wendy was a big girl. She could handle herself. And she knew what she wanted. And Christophe was just his friend. That was it. Kyle's eyes widened a little. Yes, that was it! They were his friends and if they were hooking up, he didn't want to be left out and forgotten. Not in a threesome sort of way, but in friendship!

Yeah.

_Yeah_.

That seemed logical, right?

That was it. Nothing else. He didn't have feelings for Wendy, and certainly not Christophe. So why was he feeling a sinking in the pit of his stomach? He groaned and rolled over on his bed, grabbing the remote and switching the television on. He really needed to calm his thoughts. Distract himself.

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**Next Update: **Unsure: August 5, 2009. 


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